Monday, April 29, 2013


Things I have learned from the 3 years I’ve spent in college:
  •  Pulling an all-nighter is never worth it.
  • Nobody cares what you wear to class.
  • If you don’t get enough nutrition you grades will suffer.
  • Getting a B is okay.
  • The key to making a professor like you is to keep a low profile at first and then gradually become more engaged in class as the semester goes on. Your professor will feel like they drew you out of your shell. They’ll be really proud of themselves and totally love you for the rest of the year.
  • It’s okay to procrastinate, just make sure you read all the instructions for a project way ahead of time so you arent suprised by how much there is to do the night before
  • Don’t sit by fun, social people in class, they’ll get you in trouble
  • Keep a constant list of assignments on your phone so you never forget stuff
  • Never ever ever share your homework with classmates
  • Always sell your textbooks at the end of the semester
  • Never start a new show on Netflix close to finals or midterms
  • Limit drinking to one night a week, if you dont you WILL get fat
  • Try to have some fun. You won’t be this young forever

Things i still dont have answers for after 3 years in college:
  • When you pass sombody in the hallway or on the sidewalk, is it weirder to make eye contact and smile or just completely ignore them?

Sunday, April 21, 2013

Feminists Hate Men: The Ultimate Response

Feminists do not want you to lose custody of your children. The assumption that women are naturally better caregivers is part of patriarchy.
Feminists do not like commercials in which bumbling dads mess up the laundry and competent wives have to bustle in and fix it. The assumption that women are naturally better housekeepers is part of patriarchy.
Feminists do not want you to have to make alimony payments. Alimony is set up to combat the fact that women have been historically expected to prioritize domestic duties over professional goals, thus minimizing their earning potential if their "traditional" marriages end. The assumption that wives should make babies instead of money is part of patriarchy.
Feminists do not want anyone to get raped in prison. Permissiveness and jokes about prison rape are part of rape culture, which is part of patriarchy.
Feminists do not want anyone to be falsely accused of rape. False rape accusations discredit rape victims, which reinforces rape culture, which is part of patriarchy.
Feminists do not want you to be lonely and we do not hate "nice guys." The idea that certain people are inherently more valuable than other people because of superficial physical attributes is part of patriarchy.
Feminists do not want you to have to pay for dinner. We want the opportunity to achieve financial success on par with men in any field we choose (and are qualified for), and the fact that we currently don't is part of patriarchy. The idea that men should coddle and provide for women, and/or purchase their affections in romantic contexts, is condescending and damaging and part of patriarchy.
Feminists do not want you to be maimed or killed in industrial accidents, or toil in coal mines while we do cushy secretarial work and various yarn-themed activities. The fact that women have long been shut out of dangerous industrial jobs (by men, by the way) is part of patriarchy.
Feminists do not want you to commit suicide. Any pressures and expectations that lower the quality of life of any gender are part of patriarchy. The fact that depression is characterized as an effeminate weakness, making men less likely to seek treatment, is part of patriarchy.
Feminists do not want you to be viewed with suspicion when you take your child to the park (men frequently insist that this is a serious issue, so I will take them at their word). The assumption that men are insatiable sexual animals, combined with the idea that it's unnatural for men to care for children, is part of patriarchy.
Feminists do not want you to be drafted and then die in a war while we stay home and iron stuff. The idea that women are too weak to fight or too delicate to function in a military setting is part of patriarchy.
Feminists do not want women to escape prosecution on legitimate domestic violence charges, nor do we want men to be ridiculed for being raped or abused. The idea that women are naturally gentle and compliant and that victimhood is inherently feminine is part of patriarchy.
Feminists hate patriarchy. We do not hate you.
Lindy West for Jezabel

Thursday, April 11, 2013

I Do Not Belong To You

I am a teenager. He is a stranger waiting next to me for the train. When he calls me “sexy” and tells me to smile, I blush as red as his baseball cap. “aww are you blushing, baby?” My stomach churns. I do not want his attention, but I cannot say no. I smile for him, hoping I look more bashful than scared. On the train I seek out a seat next to very large older woman and bite my lip to hold back the tears brought on by adrenaline and embarrassment.
My smile does not belong to me.
 You taught me this when you ordered me to smile for your friend who was over for dinner. I was 5. I didn’t like him, but you took me aside and told me to “smile and be nice” or I would have to sit alone in the other room.
I am 14 years old. He is my sparring partner in Martial Arts class. “I’m gonna punch you in the boob!” He laughs like it’s the funniest joke he ever heard. I am uncomfortable, but I don’t know what to say. He jabs at my right breast, like it’s a target, and pain blossoms across my chest. He laughs, his buddies laugh, and I laugh with them. I don’t want to be rude. “Do you need me to kiss it and make it better?” More laughter. I tell myself we’re all just kidding around, it’s just fine… everything is fine.
My body does not belong to me and I do not have the right to decide what I think is funny.
You taught me this when you let my cousin tickle me without my consent. I was 7 and he was 19. I screamed through the involuntary laughter and everybody just smiled and laughed along. When I finally got away I was angry. Hot tears sprung up in my eyes and shouted at him, at all of you, “I told you to stop!” You gripped my arm and pulled me aside. “Your cousin was just joking with you and you were very rude to him. Go apologize and give him a hug!”
I am 19. He is my sexually aggressive co-worker. He traps me against the wall and whispers explicit things to me, hot breath against my neck. Sometimes he sneaks up behind me and wraps his arms around my waist, purposely pressing his body against mine. He grows bolder each day, and he never listens when I insist that he leave me alone. I never tell anyone, just befriend an older man who works with us, and hide near him when I’m feeling afraid.
My sexuality belongs to the most powerful male-bodied person available.
You taught me this when you bought me a purity ring at age 16 and made me promise that I would never let anyone touch me until you gave me away to a man on my wedding day. And all the times you ordered my brother to protect me, instead of teaching me to defend myself.

You just wanted me to behave. You wanted me to obey the rules as children should. You didn’t known that children are just tiny adults. You couldn’t have foreseen that your words would shape the woman I would become. You never thought that I would carry the lessons meant for a five year old with me for the rest of my life.
But I know now. And if I ever have a child I will remember that she does not belong to me. I will never force her to talk to my dinner guest, because I do not own her voice, or her smile, or her body, or her heart.

Tuesday, April 2, 2013


For me Anxiety comes in spurts. I'll be fine for a year and suddenly have the worst month of my life. I found this post here on Tumblr describing and explaining anxiety. It's perfect and amazing and sooo accurate. I just had to share it with all of you.
things we (people with anxiety) are trying to do all the time:
  • 1. be safe
things we can’t help but do all the time:
  • 1. second-guess ourselves
  • 2. behave impulsively and reactively
  • 3. take everything personally
  • 4. worry
  • 5. worry
  • 6. worry
  • 7. have difficulty accepting compliments
  • 8. have difficulty reciprocating friendly gestures
  • 9. have difficulty finding the courage to respond
  • 10.  have difficulty not being suspicious of others’ intentions
  • 11.  make a huge deal out of the smallest thing
things you should keep in mind:
  • 1. we’re scared of everything
  • 2. pretty much all of the time
  • 3. it’s an actual disorder
  • 4. it manifests as impulsive behavior
  • 5. you can’t fix us with words
  • 6. telling us “worrying is silly” won’t make us stop worrying
  • 7. it’ll only make us feel silly
  • 8. and then we’ll worry even more
  • 9. “oh god, am i worrying too much? what if she calls me silly again?”
  • 10.  like that
  • 11.  also, we wear a lot of armor
  • 12.  cold, heavy, affection-proof armor with spikes
  • 13.  we constructed this armor as children
  • 14.  we’re fairly certain you will never be able to pry it apart
  • 15.  but there is a nice person under there, we promise

things you can do for a friend with an anxiety disorder:
  • 1. stick around
  • 2. ask him/her if they’re comfortable in a place or situation
  • 3. be willing to change the place or situation if not
  • 4. activities that help them take their mind off of things are good!
  • 5. talk to them even when they might not talk back
  • 6. (they’re probably too afraid to say the wrong thing)
  • 7. try not to take they’re reactions (or lack thereof) personally
  • 8. (the way they expresses themselves are distorted and bent because of their constant fear)
  • 9. (and they knows this)
  • 10.  give her time to respond to you
  • 11.  they will obsess over how she is being interpreted
  • 12.  they will anticipate being judged
  • 13.  it took me four hours just to type this much
  • 14.  even though i sound casual
  • 15.  that’s because i have an anxiety disorder
things you shouldn’t do:
  • 1. tell us not to worry
  • 2. tell us we’ll be fine
  • 3. mistake praise for comfort
  • 4. ask us if we are “getting help”
  • 5. force us to be social
  • 6. force us to do things that trigger us
  • 7. “face your fears” doesn’t always work
  • 8. because—remember—scared of everything
  • 9. in fact, it would be more accurate to say we are scared of the fear itself
emergency action procedure for panic attacks:
  • 1. be calm
  • 2. be patient
  • 3. don’t be condescending
  • 4. remind us that we’re not crazy
  • 5. sit with us
  • 6. ask us to tighten and relax our muscles one by one
  • 7. remind us that we are breathing
  • 8. engage us in a discussion (if we can talk, then we can breathe)
  • 9. if we are having trouble breathing, try getting us to exhale slowly
  • 10.  or breathe through our nose
  • 11.  or have us put our hands on our stomach to feel each breath
  • 12.  ask us what needs to change in our environment in order for us to feel safe
  • 13.  help us change it
  • 14.  usually, just knowing that we have someone on our side willing to fight our scary monsters with us is enough to calm us down
if you have an anxiety disorder:
  • 1. it’s okay.
  • 2. even if you worry that it’s not okay.
  • 3. it’s still okay. it’s okay to be scared. it’s okay to be scared of being scared.
  • 4. you are not crazy. you are not a freak.
  • 5. i know there’s a person under all that armor.
  • 6. and i know you feel isolated because of it.
  • 7. i won’t make you take it off.
  • 8. but know that you are not alone.

Seriously, if you know sombody with anxiety, follow these guidlines. If you have anxiety "I know there's a person under all that armor... I won't make you take it off, but know that you are not alone."